


You Are My Sweetest Downfall

by TheXJames



Series: It Matters How This Ends [6]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/F, Light Angst, Relationship Problems, The title is a song, This took too long to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 11:38:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16973904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheXJames/pseuds/TheXJames
Summary: She kissed her, softly at first, feeling once again the rush of welcome helplessness that befell Beca anytime she was in close proximity to the redhead.She felt more than heard Chloe sigh and pulled back slowly, stifling the surging tide of warmth that had begun slithering through her.





	You Are My Sweetest Downfall

**Author's Note:**

> Sincerest apologies for the delay in this. I was going through a bit of an existential crisis in deciding the direction I wanted this to take (hence the super angsty one shot I posted a while back). 
> 
> I'm not sure if this is the end of this series or not, honestly it depends on the feedback. If you guys want me to continue I will certainly do so, if you feel this is a natural ending we will move on to the next series I have in mind (it's the vampire stuff dudes, I'm pretty stoked about it). 
> 
> I appreciate the patience, and don't worry, for The Heartbreak Kid this is actually fairly mild in the angst category. 
> 
> xx Continue at your own risk....

Three months later…

 

Driving through San Francisco was one of Beca’s favourite things to do. Heading South on Lincoln Boulevard Beca could see the Pacific ocean to her right. This was her happy place; Amy Winehouse blaring through the speakers, sunglasses perched on her nose, and nobody in front or behind her - a rarity on a beautiful day like today. Beca continued down the twisty Presidio, passing the coastal cypress trees and catching whiffs of the telltale ocean breeze. She had decided to put the top down on the beat up ‘66 Mercury Comet she’d purchased a month prior, and the sun shone on her hair as it whipped in the wind. 

 

Fourty-five minutes away from home, Beca pulled into a small gravel patch off the road - a lookout point with views of the sandy strip of beach about thirty-five feet below. There was a family on the beach, a couple who appeared to be around ten years her senior - from the limited visibility she had this high above them - and two kids set upon a beach blanket. She watched as a blonde haired girl built a sandcastle, noticing before the child did that the little boy behind her was waiting on bated breath to jump up and smash her work of art. 

 

Just as she saw the boy heading for the sandcastle her phone began ringing in the seat beside her. She turned Amy Winehouse down, hitting the speaker as she answered. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Babe! It’s on the radio!” Came the excited squeal of a reply through the other side of the receiver. 

 

Beca chuckled lightly. “Yes Chlo, I told you they were releasing it today.” 

 

“I know, I know! But it’s on like right now Beca! And this is the second time I’ve heard it on the drive home!” Chloe’s excitement was contagious, even through the phone, and Beca felt the smile on her face grow. 

 

“You shouldn’t be on the phone if you’re driving Chloe.” She said, amused. 

 

“Oh hush you, I’m on bluetooth. Are you home?” Chloe replied. 

 

“No, I’m out driving. Want me to head that way?” Beca questioned. 

 

“No baby enjoy your drive. I’ll get dinner ready. Think you’ll be back in an hour or so?” 

 

“Yeah, barring traffic I should be.” Beca responded. 

 

“Okay, I’ll see you then. I love you.”    
  


“Love you too babe.” Beca clicked end on the phone screen and returned her attention to the beach. The sandcastle was gone now, nothing more than a pile beneath the boy’s feet. The little girl didn’t seem too upset; she was working on a new masterpiece a few feet down. 

 

She turned the radio back up and pulled out of the makeshift parking area, heading North into town this time. As she drove, Beca thought about the last three months with her girlfriend. 

 

**************************************************************************************************

 

_ Three months prior… _

 

_ “Chloe, do you have anything to say?” Sandra asked. Beca had just laid everything out, speaking for a record-breaking twenty minutes straight about everything from her anger at Chloe for cheating to her doubts about being good enough. Chloe, for her part, had sat silently, seeming to pay attention to every word Beca said.  _

 

_ “I...I’d like to start with I’m sorry.” Chloe said quietly.  _

 

_ “You’ve already -”  Beca began. _

 

_ “Beca.” Sandra stopped her. She didn’t say anything else, and Beca understood her silence was to be reciprocated.  _

 

_ “Becs…” Chloe began again. “I don’t even know where to begin...I messed up. I was angry with you for not answering the phone, again, and some girls in my class had invited me out and I just - I messed up. I kept taking shots, even when I knew I was far too drunk. I just didn’t want to hurt anymore. I didn’t want to feel anymore.” _

 

_ Chloe went on to explain, as Beca had asked her to do, what happened that night. She didn’t go into too many details, thankfully, but it was enough to make Beca’s stomach turn.  _

 

_ “Everything was glowy and it was the first night in a long time that I wasn’t sad. I didn’t miss you. And she was flirting and paying attention to me and acted like she wanted me, which was something I hadn’t felt in a long time Becs. Before I knew it she was kissing me, and I let her. And I know that was fucked up, I do, and I’m so sorry. I just...it was exciting, and part of me knew it was wrong but the selfish part of me…”  _

_ Beca was about to stop her - she didn’t want to hear anymore - when she heard something that made her do a double take.  _

 

_ “Wait, what do you mean, you ran out of the bar?” She may have intentionally zoned out when Chloe started talking about the short haired girl at the bar.  _

 

_ “She wasn’t you, you know? She wasn’t you and it wasn’t right, it didn’t feel right. In fact, it felt very wrong. I couldn’t stay there...” Chloe said, looking down at her hands again. _

 

_ “So you didn’t sleep with her?” Beca asked.  _

 

_ “Well, no, but it was still wrong and I cheated and you deserved better than that. I’m so sorry I didn’t -”  _

 

_ “Stop.” Beca said suddenly.  _

 

_ Chloe stopped, waiting until Beca continued.  _

 

_ “You didn’t sleep with her?” Beca asked again. Chloe shook her head no. “You just made out with her?” A nod yes. “You got shitfaced and made out with some random girl at a bar?” Another affirmative nod.  _

 

_ Beca stood up and began pacing in front of the couch.  _

 

_ “And you chose to tell me about this by announcing that you CHEATED ON ME?!?”  Beca asked incredulously. “You couldn’t have thought to say ‘Hey babe, I made out with someone one night when I was drunk’ or ‘I kissed somebody else’ you decided to go with ‘I cheated on you?’”  _

 

_ Chloe stared at her dumbstruck. “But I did cheat on you.”  _

 

_ Beca couldn’t help the sharp laugh that came out of her. “Yeah okay, fine, but you didn’t sleep with anyone else! You freaking made out with someone, after drinking, a lot of alcohol.”  _

 

_ Chloe shook her head. “It was still wrong of me and I should have never betrayed your trust like that.”  _

 

_ “I thought you slept with someone else Chloe! I’ve spent this entire time thinking that!” She looked from Chloe to Sandra, who was still silently watching them, then back to Chloe. “Jesus Chlo…” Beca didn’t even know what to say, so she just shook her head lightly as she sat back down. She looked over at her girlfriend’s tear-stained face. She felt so much relief in that moment. Yes, Chloe had still technically cheated. They still needed to discuss a lot of things in their relationship. They still had communication problems. But she couldn’t get over the relief of knowing the girl she loved didn’t sleep with someone else. Drunk or not, Beca wasn’t sure that she was going to be able to get over that. She would have forgiven Chloe, she knew that much, but forgiveness didn’t mean trust. Forgiveness didn’t mean acceptance or being able to continue in their relationship. But this? Seeing how upset and ashamed Chloe was for having a drunken makeout session with someone? Beca chastised herself, she should have talked to Chloe the other night. She should have known Chloe wouldn’t have been able to betray her trust in that way. She could have saved herself so much grief… _

 

_ “Beca.” Sandra said, lightly. “What are you thinking?”  _

 

_ Beca looked from Chloe back to Sandra. “I’m thinking thank fucking god dude.” She said. “I’m thinking that this one here” she pointed her thumb toward Chloe “needs to learn to use words better.” She took a deep breath and sighed, turning to face her girlfriend again. “And I’m thinking that I’m an idiot for thinking you’d do that to me.”  _

 

_ The surprised look on Chloe’s face made Beca almost laugh again. “Beca, I did cheat on you. Just because I didn’t sleep with someone else doesn’t mean I wasn’t unfaithful. I broke your trust and I can’t forgive myself for that.”  _

 

_ “Well I forgive you.” Beca said quickly.  _

 

_ “What?” Chloe questioned. Beca gingerly pulled one of Chloe’s hands into hers, running her thumb across the palm.  _

 

_ “Chlo...I forgive you. I forgive you for being lonely and upset and getting drunk with your friends and making a mistake. I forgive you for giving into your desire to feel wanted again. I love you, and I need you to forgive me for causing you to feel unloved or unwanted in the first place.”  _

 

_ Tears threatened to fall from Chloe’s eyes again as she looked at Beca. “You don’t need forgiveness, you’ve made me feel more loved than I could ever imagine. I should have tried harder when you were in LA, I should have talked to you - told you how I was feeling. I thought I could handle it on my own. Instead I let my emotions build up until I blindsided you without ever giving you any inclination that we weren’t okay. I acted like it was all your fault, like you should have known how I was feeling because I was being more distant. That wasn’t fair to you. None of this has been fair to you.”  _

 

_ Sandra tapped her pencil against her notebook. “I think that’s a good place to stop for the evening ladies.” She said, standing up. “You both have a lot to discuss, and I feel that after the information revealed in this session that you two can continue this conversation in a mature and healthy way.”  _

 

_ Beca and Chloe stood from the couch to leave. Sandra continued speaking.  _

 

_ “I want you two to do homework this week. I want you to write down your feelings about everything. Beca, I want you to focus on your feelings the last 24 hours. Chloe, I want you to focus on how you felt before and after the girl from the bar. When you come in next we will discuss what was written.  _

  
  


**************************************************************************************************

 

Beca thought about that next session. Her new single came from that session - the inspiration for the song hit while she was writing about how she had felt. She hadn’t realized at the time she wrote it that it would end up being released by her latest artist collaboration. 

 

**************************************************************************************************

 

_ Two months prior…. _

 

_ “I got a call today.” Beca said as she and Chloe sat down with their Chinese takeout.  _

 

_ “Oh yeah? From who?” Chloe asked, leaning over Beca to grab the television remote. It was a Thursday, their new tradition of ‘inside date night’ time, which consisted of watching iZombie and vegging out in pajamas.  _

 

_ “Bright Antenna. It’s an indie label here, they’re looking for a junior producer and apparently received my resume…” Beca narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend.  _

 

_ “Oh really?” Chloe questioned a bit too innocently. “I wonder how they got that?”  _

 

_ “Did you send my resume to labels Chlo?” Beca asked.  _

 

_ Chloe tried to keep a straight face; it lasted about four seconds. “I couldn’t help it baby! You’re too talented to not be producing. I know you say you don’t want to and you’re happy at the station but-”  _

 

_ Beca cut her off with her lips. She kissed her, softly at first, feeling once again the rush of welcome helplessness that befell Beca anytime she was in close proximity to the redhead. She felt more than heard Chloe sigh and pulled back slowly, stifling the surging tide of warmth that had begun slithering through her.  _

 

_ “Thank you.” Words barely whispered against lips faintly blushed from use. Words that were reciprocated in action, as Chloe captured her lips with her own once more.  _

 

**************************************************************************************************

 

As she watched the sun cross just below the surface of the Pacific, Beca was grateful. She was grateful for Chloe, and the light she brought into her life. She was even glad at this point for everything that had happened between them. They had gone through things that could have ended them, many times over. 

 

The old Beca would have given up a long time ago. She would have dipped at the first sign of hardship. Chloe had changed that though, she’d given her a reason to stay. She’d given her something worth fighting for.  

 

It was like the ocean, her relationship with Chloe. Beca thought about the way they ebbed and flowed, deep currents of love a constant anchor through the ever changing, beautiful waves of uncertainty. They were damaged, had damaged each other, but through all of it had managed to weather the storms that crossed over them and remain anchored to that love. 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh yeah, did I forget to mention Chloe didn't sleep with someone? My bad guys ;)
> 
> Either way, cheating is still cheating so it doesn't let her off the hook.
> 
> So now I need feedback. I had no intention of ending this series here but upon finishing this part I realized it had a natural ending in a way. It doesn't have to be though, let me know what you think.


End file.
